Have you ever wondered, “Gee, what am I going to wear today?” Well, I suspect super heroes wonder the same thing every single moment. Marvel was kind of enough to raid Tony Stark’s closet and present us with some impressive attires you won’t find anywhere else. Each suit is custom tailored and come with very specific functions.
Mark 33, the “SILVER CENTURION”.
Ladies love broad shoulders. When you’re out on a date, this is what you want to be wearing. Padded metal shoulder pieces, molded abs, and the classic defined cheekbones of the suit will win over most women. But if she’s particularly stubborn, you can always put on a laser show with this “enhanced energy suit”. Be sure she’s wearing sunglasses though, otherwise she’ll go permanently blind and/or dead.
Mark 35, the “RED SNAPPER.”
If you want maximum comfort when you go to bed, this is what you want to be wearing. The elongated arm pieces will help you reach the snooze button on your alarm clocks without twisting or turning on the bed, the pistons in the abdomen and the arms can adjust to your comfort level (depending on where you’re sleeping i.e. beds, hammocks, tents, the moon), and the inside of the armor is layered with noise cancelling pads that work so well that you won’t be able to hear the alarm clock…which renders the elongated arm pieces useless.
Mark 38, the “IGOR”.
Great for job interviews. It’ll leave a long lasting impression on your future employers.
Mark 40, the “SHOTGUN.”
This suit is strictly for social gatherings. The silver matte finish of the armor plates shimmer with such brilliance that you’ll become the talk of the town after taking this baby out to a party. It will constantly monitor your alcohol level and if you’re drunk, it’ll padlock your pockets so you can’t drive home. There is an OnStar installed within the helmet, which will call your emergency contact for a ride and will jam all other signals going out to prevent you from drunk dialing.
Well, there you have it. Now that I’ve given you an in-depth look at four of Tony Stark’s armors, I hope your confidence in yourselves have diminished significantly. Your wardrobes mean NOTHING compared to his.
Written by Daniel Lee